Are there skid marks in your relationship?
Going home at night is a crapshoot.
Is there going to be a fight? Walking on eggshells may keep everything calm – for a while.
And then comes morning – get out the door before there is another disagreement.
Everything is a battle.
There is little, if any, agreement on anything. You think the unthinkable – it’s time for Couples Therapy…
And that is where I come in.
How does Couples Therapy work?
Ideally, you would both come together for the initial session, which may be 90 minutes.
It can start with one person and even stay that way if a person’s goal is to improve their own act as a partner.
But more usual is both parties, working together.
As in Individual Therapy, you each have a story to tell. I ask that you tell it as plainly and honestly as possible.
If you want to make sure Couples Therapy fails, you should do one of the following things:
- Fail to disclose an extramarital relationship
- Omit information about drinking, sex addiction or drug problems
- Decide to not talk about physical violence
If you omit any of the items above, it’s like pumping air into a flat tire without fixing the leak.
I will want to know what is stopping you each from having the kind of relationship you would like to have and will ask what you are willing to contribute toward that goal.
Often, I will schedule individual meetings with each partner; but again, each couple is unique, so that may or may not happen.
In general, I invite each partner to begin changing thoughts and actions. Instead of clinging to complaints about the other, each is challenged to see things as the other does and to become sympathetic to that.
I DON’T TAKE SIDES.
Perhaps you’ve seen Dr. Phil on TV and watched as he tore into some guy for his failures as a spouse. Worth remembering that it is a TV show.
I don’t operate that way. You may have an idea I will tell your husband to do this or that, or your wife or partner to stop something else. That almost never happens.
I take the side of the relationship, that third element of every couple, and will ask often, “Is that the best thing for your relationship?”
Couples therapy can be messy, difficult and frightening. You and your partner will talk to each other a lot while in my office.
A huge reason why you have come to couples therapy has to do with conflict and the difficulty you have keeping conflict from becoming deadly.
I will share with you the ABCs of safe conflict resolution and will help you understand that conflict is a part of any healthy relationship.
The trick is knowing how to have productive conflict, the kind that really moves things down the road, not the search and destroy methods currently in use.
I don’t save or ruin relationships.
You may have thought you will be told whether to stay together. That will not be the case.
My job is to assist you in developing the conversation that will help you know if you will stay together in a way that is healthy for you – or not.
Choose to change your path of couple destruction.
If you’re tired of the way things are now and are ready for a change, please give me a call or send a text to
We’ll figure out a time for a free 20-minute consultation.
From there, we’ll both know if we can work together on your relationship.